Spiritual African Eyes

Spiritual African Eyes

“When uninformed young African males and females grow up, we become uninformed black adults who engage in relationships in which love is war.”

-          Sister Souljah, No Disrespect

 Taking a closer look at this quote makes me think of how I am an uninformed Black, yes I said Black, female.  I do not consider myself African, but I do acknowledge them as my ancestors. I do not carry the characteristics of a true African woman, and so until I do then I cannot identify myself as one.  That is how uninformed I am.  I set myself apart from my true people and place the black, ghetto world in place of them.  Even though I do not consider myself to be ghetto, I do feel that I associate with “them” more than I can relate to any African person. I have lost my heritage, but I intend on getting it back.  To be informed means having an education: knowledgeable.  It means to understand, UNDER-STAND. I do not understand everything; therefore I am not informed which means I am not knowledgeable: uninformed.  I want to know more about my African culture. I want to be a gimper, a person who wants or does more than is required or expected.  I figure that if I can be a gimper for God first, than I can translate that energy into my community and to others who want to learn more and do more.  I can change a whole world by sharing my love through spiritual African eyes that will beam with a passion for God and a love for my African community.  I can build up my nation’s spirit and tear down hatred, if only I was informed.  If I only knew more about my culture, instead of being in a class full of white students that know more about the Tuskegee Airmen experiment than you do. Or sitting next to an Asian that can tell me more about the Civil Rights Act than you could even remember in one week.  I cannot tell you how embarrass I feel when I cannot offer any information on the history of my people; I feel I have betrayed them.  I will rise again. I will repent and ask for forgiveness of my people for being so ignorant and I will bring honor to all African American people.  They say that you can see a man’s soul through his eyes.  Well look deep into my eyes and see that my heart is filled with desire, and my soul is crying for the river of Jordan. I must not ask for only a cup of water, I must dive into the river. I am thirsty for knowledge.  I am unfulfilled spiritually, intellectually, mentally, and physically.  I am uniformed, but am being reformed.

Chrissy J*

 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast All of Your Anxieties Upon the Lord, Because He Cares for You.”

Crushed Love

I'm not invisible... You know me and I know you!

But you're blind cuz you don't know that I'm in love with you

I spend most of my time on da phone talking to you

Thinking about the next thing I wanna do with you

And when we're together it's like a whole new world

I stare at you and imagine I'm your #1 girl...

And I silently promise that no one could brake us apart...

And pray to God that another girl won't steal your heart

But in reality, we know that we're suppose to be friends

But my emotions aretelling me that I don't want this to end

I try to kiss you and you move cuz you know that's too much

But I want you so bad I'm sensitive to your touch

Sometimes I wanna sit down and just hold your hand

Go to sleep in your arms and dream of our wedding bands

But fantasy plays me stupid in believing in these things

An when it clicks in it erases my mind of all I was thinking

Words cut so deep in me to find to and I can't believe

That I can be in love with you... That doesn't mean you love me

ChrissyJ
1 Peter 5:7"Cast all of your anxieties upon the LORD because HE cares for you!"

Tuesdays

Tuesdays have to be the dumbest day out of the week.. I mean they feel like another Monday! It doesn't make me feel good to be doing anything on a Tuesday! I mean who invented the days of the week... Shoot the man who decided to create a 5-day work week and the woman that married him! I mean like it's never a good Tuesday ever! Nobody says thank God it's Tuesday.. No! I'm really upset today because I realized there is no reason why I should be up today! I mean absolutely no reason at all! Oh well, let me put on my perfect little smile and my good clothes make something of this day! Ugh, don't judge me, I know you were thinking the same thing!

Life is...

Life is like vanilla yogurt with some granola nuts...
It was pathed and created as a smooth road but all of a sudden man puts rocks and bumps in there. Like the beauty of a pointe shoe and the elegance of the foot's poise, but when the satin wrap uncoils its mask of grace the feet are blistered, cut and bruised all from the aesthectics of life abused. I wonder why I observed the things.. Materialist forms of nature.. Although my life came from it's womb... I beg to differ if she loved me... If she love me I would have been born with a free spirit like the winds that blows freely, and no one is to say that my mind does not ponder that if nature loved me then why rain on my birthday, why scorch me with your razor sharp eye and gaze at me all day... But if I choose to look at u... You become brighter so I can not see your true colors within.. But u... U bring clouds when no one needs shade and tell them to hide whenever your eye wants to peep at us and just think how dangerous u can be ...when you have temper tantrums u make peace wish he were fear and fear wish he never existed and love gets stronger because worry gets fatter and then thought comes along and starts to multiply times infinty until u calm down and thoughts move away and love fades while fear becomes himself again and peace well is finally at peace...

Chrissy J

My Past Lover...

My past lover...

Ten years ago, you were my man.
And then, I don't know what my answer would be if u asked me for my hand...
But now, ten years later,
If u ask me again,
I wouldn't breathe untill I cry out yes
And let u know these words I confess...
I loved you then and I love you now,
I will love you forever.
Don't ask me how, don't ask me when,
Don't ask me where... Because where is right here... Right next to my heart... When is right now, before this soul departs and how... Well how is hard but I'll do my best... To make u feel, smell and breathe love... I will not rest untill u know that I love you... Untill you know that these words can only do so much... That I would rather be close to your touch, than away from you! My love you can profess it too... I won't be ashame. Why, because I want another last name... I will change my name so quickly, baby please don't ever doubt me... Come back to me and say you love me... I really need to hear it... I really miss you past lover of mine... And since seasons change, I cannot control time... So whatever u might have done, could mean a penny to me; I will take you as you are, so baby don't judge me... I've been fool and prolly still am... But if you love what's inside it doesn't matter whether I'm a sheep or a tiger... Cause baby I will travel to Nigeria and tan dark as night in the sun... I will change for you if you really want me to... Oh past lover dig deep into my soul and see how much I do really candidly love you!

I love him

Another poem.. Enjoy

I love his fancy cologne
And everything that he got on
He's looks fresh to def, and never seems to ever care about me.
His dreads are laying on his back
His eyes are ready to attack
Any chick with long legs, thick thighs, longed hair redbone that's willing to open wide... At least that's what they say
His smile can weaken any chick
His darkbrown eyes, and his full lips
He's the idol of all girls dream guys
But no one seems to hear his cries..

The niggas failing every class
He walks around like we're the as-
Ses, but girl if you really knew his secrets...
I know he's smart, we know he's cute
But every image freak he gives the boot..
He's still a virgin and we're only like in the 12 grade....
Even though he boast it loud,
And tells everyone he's proud
Of his reputation
But it ain't communicating
He is scared of real woman
And I know it for a fact
I tried to give him my all
But he dimissed me and threw it back
I said I'll never tell his secrets
That I wished it didn't have to be like this
I said that if he was a real man
He would understand
My pain and distress
He knows how to hurt me the best
But he got a rep he must keep up
And he got his bruhs to back him up
And I have no one, only memories
Damn I can't believe _______
Did this to me....

*Not a real story*

He is not There

This a poem I wrote..

As he runs his fingers through my hair and stares into my eyes, I start to cry. I think of how much I love him, of how I adore his mind, soul and body. He is a part of me... I cannot exist without him. My love, he is my bestfriend. He understands me and I understand everything he is about. I love every word that forms from his mouth.. He rubs his hand down my back as I lie facing away... I don't want him to see me cry today... I think of our future together, so beautiful.. But when I open my eyes reality is not wonderful.. How I wish I could tell him what's inside... As he kisses my shoulder I choke and sigh.. He then holds me comfortably in his arms... Embraces me with his love and i'm enchanted by his charm.. My eyes well up and he holds my hand... He says he loves me and I feel a tear on my neck, the tears of my man... I immeadiately turn to face him and he is not there... He is not there...

ChrissyJ

Don't Blame Yourself

Don't blame yourself...

Some things I cannot control. Like when I press send on a message that either I don't want to send or I'm sending to the wrong person. It is going to go through no matter what I do, ergo, I can not do anything about it, so I shouldn't blame myself because I did try to stop it from sending. But there is always some doubt left behind on why I wrote the message in the first place.
Think.

I wrote it because that is what you were thinking about; it is the way I felt at that moment. And in that moment I felt as if no one else's opinion on that matter meant nothing to me. My opinion was the most important... And it was honored the most. But I forgot about the most important person: it's not me! It's the person who judges my comment. The person who receives that message that I didn't want to send or didn't mean to send. Just remember who to blame when the most important person's response comes back. Maybe it's a message they did not mean to send or sent to the wrong person. Maybe it wasn't meant for me or should have never reached me and things would all be the same. Nothing would have changed, and everything would be peachy.

So Don't Blame Yourself!

It's probably not your fault... Blame technology!